Paige VanZant has had a tough go in Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship. After signing a seven-figure deal with the promotion for four fights in August 2020, “12 Gauge” lost her first two bouts with the organization.

After her loss to Rachael Ostovich at BKFC 19 on July 23, VanZant reached an emotional breaking point. The 27-year old recently released a video fittingly titled, “My Fight: The Pain of Failure” giving an inside look at her mental state after the loss.

“I’m bummed out. I mean, I’m bummed out to say the least. Everyone expects me to lose, and everyone expects me to fail. I don’t know, I just feel like people have this specific perception of who I am and especially online. “It’s crazy how much people can hate on a single person,” an emotional VanZant said.

“I just don’t get it. I pride myself on being a good person, and I think that’s the most important thing for me: I never talk bad about my opponents. I never say a single negative thing about their character. You never know what somebody is going through, and you never know what someone is on the verge of.”

After the judges scorecards are read, VanZant exited the ring and the arena. “I literally walked like outside, and I went and cried in the parking lot by myself,” she revealed.

VanZant married fellow fighter Austin Vanderford in 2018. Vanderford is undefeated and the top contender in the Bellator MMA middleweight division. She confided in him just where she was mentally following the loss.

“I said some things to my husband that are pretty terrible, just about my mental state. I told him that I didn’t want to live anymore, that this wasn’t for me anymore, life wasn’t for me anymore,” she said. “It’s disappointing. It was hard.”

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